Tomorrow we bury one of our finest who made the ultimate sacrifice. A brother in arms, my husband will be attending Officer Ledesma's funeral and he will come home.... broken. I have been through this before. It's at times like these that I'm reminded how difficult my position is. He may be the officer, but I'm the officer's wife, his support. The spouse of an officer doesn't really understand what compels the officer they are married to to go after what everyone else is running away from and to sacrifice their very lives to protect.... even the criminal, but we accept it. We accept that our bad days won't ever compare to THE BEST work day of an officer that, by the way, was far worse. We accept that a life and death decision our spouse can make may very well affect the rest of our lives, and we have no say in it. We accept that emotionally, psychologically and even physiologically at times, the officer we are married to won't always be available to us. And we accept that there are times they will be broken. But accepting that every bit of it can be taken away from us BECAUSE of what they do.... well, that's just one I haven't quite accepted yet (even after 16 years). But in less than 24 hours, I will, again be the lifeline for an officer coming home thinking, "it could have been me." He won't say it, but we will BOTH be thinking it and again I will file that reality away choosing not to accept it, focusing on being a ray of sunshine for him to cling to. We all say, "it won't be my spouse", but when one of ours is lost, we all know that someone will be wrong. And then we will all ask, "Is it all worth it? What are we sacrificing for?"
Police husbands and wives: I send out my sincerest condolences to all whose "Officer is Down". I can not (and pray I never do) understand what you lost. But I do understand what you sacrificed right beside them. And while I do not understand what it is that makes them so willing to sacrifice their very lives, I want to share with you that I believe it is all ordained and an appointment that is instilled in them by God. You have not sacrificed in vain. The bible says that they are "God's ministers". It doesn't say that they do good work for God.... it says they are "God's ministers". They belong to God. The following are some scriptures that God gave to me years ago shortly after marrying my police officer husband and they are scriptures that I have clung to for many years.
Romans 13:1-4 (NKJV) - Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves. For the rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same. For he is God's minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God's minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil.
Here is a link if anyone is interested in donating to the 100 Club: http://www.100club.org/. Proceeds go to support families of fallen police and firemen/women. I truly hope this post touched you to give.