How draining and toiling it is to expect the best from people who continually fail to meet your expectations. So is expecting the worst in people so negative? Well, I think it's negative if you expect the worst from someone you don't know. However, I believe that it's MORE than positive if someone has a proven track record for hurting or disappointing you. The energy that it takes to force yourself to believe something contrary to what you've already experienced is draining. The stress of being let down can make you downright sick just to continue to lie to yourself that someone does or doesn't feel a certain way about this, that or even you. Let it all go and deal with REALITY; not what you hope someone is or could be! Deal with what you know about them. THAT is positive. It is positive to deal with what is real... be it negative or positive behavior... well, that is up to them. You can only control you, and how you are going to deal with them. But the key is to deal... that is positive! Not saying "no" is the same as saying "yes".
This wonderfully positive (and proactive) post is brought to light by an amazing blog post I read today by an amazing lady: Chalene Johnson discussing how unrealistic and downright negative it is to expect the best from people you know will let you down. It really is a great read and I hope you all check out her link. Click here for Chalene Johnson's blog.
People in our lives don't let us down out of the blue, do they? There were signs all along that you chose to ignore. Past behaviors that TOLD you what their next move was, but you didn't want to believe it, you wanted to believe something different about him or her... you wanted to be positive. How is that positive? Doesn't it make more sense that if "Suzie" has stepped on you in the past, and is in your life now with the opportunity to do it again, that SHE WILL. If she always has and you allowed her to be in your life, then you've accepted that SHE WILL do it again no matter how many times you tell yourself differently. It is negative to believe otherwise. Believing "this time will be different, they've changed" means that you expend a ton of energy lying to yourself about the other person and then the emotional turmoil of discovering they are the EXACT same person they always were. And I content that the cycle of convincing yourself "this time will be different, they've changed" is EXACTLY what keeps them from changing because you're giving them yet another opportunity to let you down... you are saying "yes" by not saying anything at all.
Now, Chalene did raise a good point. If you expect the "patterned behavior" from someone, when they deliver, you don't go through the drama of being let down. You are also positioning yourself mentally and emotionally to decide how you are going to deal with them based on what you know, not what you wish for. And, if by some miracle the person IS in fact different and DID in fact change, well, then you are pleasantly surprised. It actually IS very positive to expect the worst. It is also something that I'm terrible at.
I have a habit of projecting what I WANT the person to be rather than dealing with who I know they are deep down. Luckily for me, I'm learning to expect my own patterned behavior of doing just that and stopping myself to analyze who they REALLY are and how I feel about their actions. Is their behavior worth being upset about? If it is, I deal with it. Again, you cannot control anyone else's behavior but your own. Be honest with them, BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF, and deal with the person you know... not the person you made up in your head. I agree with Chalene... we are all WAY TOO surprised when people behave the way they've always behaved. Dealing with reality keeps us from taking it all so personally and I'm "positive" that's the way to go!