Skip to main content

Serial Takists

I learned at a very young age that there are takers in this world. I call them Serial Takists. I also learned that Takists are a lot like rapists in that their victims are always left feeling violated, taken advantage of and angry. The effects from a Takist attack stay with you and reverberate long after the attack is over. I survived a Takist attack and I want to share with you how to spot, deal with (or avoid all together) a Takist attack yourself.

How They Operate
Takists are not kleptomaniacs; they do not take for the sake of taking. But like kleptomaniacs, their behaviors are compulsive. It is their compulsion to try and manipulate everyone and everything around them to gain something, anything. If a Takist is talking to you, they want something. Takists will always appear pleasant at first but will turn on you the moment they see that their manipulative tactics aren't working. Failure to bend to their will results in angry, dismissive behavior. I will touch on that a little more in a second. There are Takists from every walk of life, men and women. They are not a respecter of persons and start young. A Takist cannot interact with anyone (I mean ANYONE) without working an angle to position themselves for "the take".

How Do People Become Takists?
I believe that Takists are born of a deep feeling of inadequacy. Through giving too much or not giving enough, a young Takist is not taught the basic fundamentals of interpersonal interaction. Either through severe abuse or through severe spoiling, the person was programmed to believe they could not provide for themselves and taught to loathe themselves and others for what they personally lack or for what others have. They learned to manipulate to get what someone else created. Usually from their upbringing they feel like they do not have control and manipulation for "the take" is the only way for them to feel in control. To simply receive a gift is not good enough for them, the control of being manipulated to give is what they are after.

What To Look For
While a Takist always appears very comfortable, they never seem to really be listening to you. They don't ever give you focused eye contact. This behavior is often dismissed as simple distraction but its not simple at all.

Who is in their circle? Because a Takist spends their whole life caring only about "the take", they never establish permanent or real relationships. Work relationships, family, friends are sources for "the take" and what they have to gain. When the source has been tapped, the Takist moves on to the next victim. This is also a manipulation tactic. If a Takist cannot manipulate you, they will shut you out hoping to make you wonder what YOU did to make them angry and when you go to them to try and mend the rift, they will use guilt to take from you again. Usually this cycle will continue until the victim wises up and finally leaves for good. The Takist is an expert in this vicious cycle and was already working on the next "take" before you ever decided to stop being their victim. Fortunately, over time, the victim pool significantly decreases as a Takist is revealed for who they are. You will usually see older Takists living sad, lonely lives.

The Takist is often irritated about something. I haven't figured out if this is the only way a Takist can relate to other human beings, or if this is what a Takist uses to gauge their victims before their attack. Either way, a Takist is rarely happy about anything, and complains A LOT!

Takists are usually confrontational. They understand that most people shy away from conflict and will use this for manipulation. As a matter of a fact, this is usually the first type of manipulation they will use. Failure to get whatever they are after from you results in anger and/or violence. If over time they learn that this does not work for you, they will move on to other tactics and/or other victims. I believe they learn this behavior very young. I have often wondered when holding their breath stopped being a tactic for them.

How To Deal With A Takist
1. Stay calm! Anger is just a manipulative device the Takist uses to force "the take". The calmer you stay, the less effect the tactic has on you.

2. Know yourself. Know what you are willing to give to someone and why you are giving. If you are giving to keep someone from being angry with you, then you are giving for the wrong reasons and MAY be a Takist's victim.

3. Know Them. Know that a Takist cannot help themselves and truly doesn't believe that they are doing anything wrong. This behavior was learned quite young and lived out their whole lives. It is a compulsion. Understand that they are not capable of caring about you, what they've taken or what you've lost for their gain. A Takist will leave you destitute and then wonder why you don't want to be around them.

4. Stop Immediately. If you are dealing with a Takist, stop! Do not give. If they immediately cut you off, count your blessings. The sooner you sever ties with a Takist the safer you will be.

5. Finally, do not get angry. It's hard when you've been victimized by a Takist not to get angry, but understanding that a Takist cannot help themselves should help to relieve that anger.

My sincere hope is that this blog post protects everyone from Serial Takists. I am currently working on an article about Emotional Vampires. Stay tuned for that. I want to be sure to cover that because I have found that most Serial Takists are also Emotional Vampires, but not all Emotional Vampires are Takists... it's interesting... stay tuned! :)

Comments

Roxanne said…
oooooooo oooooooo ooooooo I know you are talking about.....pick me, pick me, pick me, AWESOME, well put, you are so intelligent

Past 7 Days....

My Favorite Things Birthday Give-Away!!!

IT IS ON! Ok... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! I get to give stuff away! And not just ANY stuff.... MY FAVORITE STUFF!!!! Well, not ALL my favorite stuff, but certainly my favorites for at least ONE of my obsessions: NAILS!!! Maybe next year for my birthday I will be giving away craft supplies and exercise equipment... that would be AWESOME!!! But, this year's birthday give-away is HUGE with my favorite nail and beauty products and is open to ALL my followers. You guys are the best and deserve the best, so here is what ONE lucky winner is going to score: The Prize Haul: Konad Nail Art Stamping Set - Coraline I (I am addicted to Konad and I LOVE this set) Konad Nail art image disc - M63 (A little something extra from Kathleen... thank you) Fragrance Oil Set, types: China Rain, White Linen, Obsession (I love these for my relaxing baths) Nail Aid Nail Treatment Set including: Pink Natural Growth Therapy, Instant Wrap, Clear Liquid Bandage, Cuticle Cure, Peeling Nail Intense Repai

Make It Crafty Blog Hop

Woo Hoo!!! Isn't this hop AMAZING!?! All the projects on this hop are incredible!!! If you are mid hop, you should be arriving here from Carisa's awesome blog, WELCOME! If you haven't started this hop from the beginning, you're definitely going to want to.... so many prizes in store!!! Click HERE to start at the beginning. Prizes Up For Grabs 1st prize - Rubber Collection (Peaches of Plenty, Petals and Palings, Daffodil Dell, Ivy Swing) 2nd prize - Whole Digital Collection (10 digital stamps) 3rd Prize - Four digital Stamps from the collection The hop will end Friday 24th and the main winners will be announced Christmas Day! Random winners will be announced at a later date. How To Play Along Along the way, look for puzzle pieces. They won’t be on every post so you need to keep an eye out for them. The puzzle pieces make up one of the NEW images. At the end of the hop there will be an email form where you can submit your answer. This is so that your answer is private.

THE Spectrum Noir Blog Hop You Don't Want To Miss!!!

Welcome to the very first Spectrum Noir Blog Hop EVER! And we are celebrating BIG TIME!!! Wait till you see what's up for grabs!!! Wait till you see all the amazing projects the design team put together for YOU!   If you are new to blog hops, simply visit each of the blogs below in the order shown and leave a comment on each designer's post finishing the hop at the Spectrum Noir Blog. Danielle Leann Angelique Linda Jennie Louise Kristine Marcea Taylor   Suzanne Cyndi Wendy Jacqui Spectrum Noir Blog When you arrive at the end, be sure to leave a comment on the Spectrum Noir  Blog telling us one fun new thing (tip, trick, interesting combination of colors, etc) you learned about the Spectrum Noir markers while hopping with us this week.  A random winner will be drawn using random.org at 9:00 AM GMT, Saturday, June 23, 2012 and posted at  Spectrum Noir .  The winner will have one week to claim their prize and will win a full set of 72 Basic Spectr